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Gricela's Journal  This is Gricela's Online Journal. These are her thoughts and feelings.
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Contributed by Gricela Shelton (Mommy)
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Saturday, 14 August 2010 |
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I was a little bummed this morning and very disappointed that of all the Camille stories that came back, none of them were from the kids that were her age with her, the kids that were her friends, best friends even. I was so looking forward to some of the stories they'd come up with or even just to know that she's still in the hearts of the young people that used to play with her. It's a different kind of relationship than that of the adults so I really wanted to hear from them and not a single one wrote in. However, there was one young man who is about the age Camille would be now, who might have played with her when they were little had they had the opportunity to meet, that turned my day around. This young man is a football player and the son of one of my very best high school friends and he took the time to write in. Not a story, as he didn't know her, but a gesture. He is dedicating his performance in his game today to Camille. For a boy of his age to make such a comment and such a grand gesture has meant the world to me. At this point I really wish I could go see the game (in Miami) and root him on. But whether he wins or not, he's made a difference in my life just by the gesture alone. (although I do hope he kicks butt) |
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Contributed by Gricela Shelton (Mommy)
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Friday, 13 August 2010 |
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Today marks 6 years since that dreadful day. Today is also a Friday the 13th as it was 6 years ago. I was very frightened about this fact but I'm trying very hard to push those fears aside. I am in a good place and I really want to stay there, we're going to have a nice family day today. I feel that I must take it easy, that I can't let the day get the best of me. Camille would not like that, I will try to honor her in a good way. I've asked some friends to send me stories they remember about the time they spent with Camille, and I've gotten a pretty decent response. Not as good as I'd hoped but still pretty good. Her memory lives on and I can have some solace in that. I miss you Camille, you are an angel and your gift has made this world a better place. I'm proud to be your momma. |
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Contributed by Gricela Shelton (Mommy)
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Wednesday, 04 August 2010 |
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I'm really on a low. As the anniversary of her death approaches I feel sadder and sadder. Sometimes I don't even realize it. I know it's normal and everyone I know of that's in the same boat as I am (lost a child) says they feel the same way, I just get into this slump and I can't seem to shake it. Now I've learned that "professionals" have deemed that grieving for a period longer than two weeks should be considered a mental illness. Educated idiots!!! 6 years, it will be soon and I still feel as if my heart is being torn to shreds.
I don't know... I'm blessed, I know I am. I have an amazing family but there will always be something missing, and it weighs very heavy on my heart. |
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Contributed by Gricela Shelton (Mommy)
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Sunday, 20 June 2010 |
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Father's day today and I feel blessed and sad at the same time. Normally I get a card or something for Glenn from Camille, this year things have been a little different so I never even made it to the card shop. I hope that Camille sends him a butterfly as she usually does, so that he knows how important he is to me & Alexander and was to her. I know that he loves her very much and had aspirations of being a father figure to her. She loves him very much and she showed him a lot of respect. She would definitely see him as a father figure today if she were still with us, and he would deserve it. He always looked out for her, they became close and even had their own little looks and games with each other. Glenn would sneak and buy her something she'd asked for if I told her no. I remember arguing with him at the time but I did think it to be very sweet. I'm grateful that he got to know her and I know how much Camille appreciated him. At times when I got mad with him, she would get mad at me, she would defend him fiercely, and put me in my place. They stuck together just like any father/daughter relationship, in some cases even better. So I'm sad for him, because I know he hurts and misses her dearly, and, in order to protect me, he'll hide his feelings. All I can do, I suppose, is to thank him for having been there for Camille, having meant so much to her and having wanted so bad to be a father to her. He truly is a great father and I'm so glad Camille got to love him as one, I only wish she were here to tell him herself. |
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Contributed by Gricela Shelton (Mommy)
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Monday, 07 June 2010 |
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I hate this time of the year, hurricane season is not officially upon us and I wish I could just get out of the state for 6 months!! I'm on a low again, as I imagine I will be for a while and the odd thing is this time, I don't care.. I want to cry every day I want to hide and I don't want to come out and I don't care. I'm at almost 200 lbs and I hate the person I see, when I look in the mirror and I don't care. I'm spiraling downward and I really don't care and the only thing keeping me from wanting to die is the fact that my son needs me and I need him, and that is the ONLY thing that I care about, and it's enough, because he'll keep me from drowning in my own sorrow. |
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